One Piece Oneshots
by DragonlordRynn
Summary: A small collection of Oneshots. Please review if you have any more ideas or just want to share your thoughts with us. Chapter 7: A day in the Life of Sanji. Secret insights to our beloved cook's inner feelings and thoughts. A homage to 'A Day in the Life of Penguin' written by Alice in Realityland. She's awesome.
1. I took an Arrow to the Knee

**AN: Heya. This is** **the first of (hopefully) many One Piece Oneshots. I hope our Muse will return more often. So far, please enjoy the first idea.**

* * *

I took an arrow to the knee. No wait. To the face

There were a few things Law would never understand. First: Synchronized Swimming. Seriously, how the hell do they do that? Second: Why did he have to ally himself with those idiots of a pirate crew? He should have chosen Kid. That hunk of muscles would be much easier to handle than that rubber brat. Third: Why was the rubber brat so intent on humiliating him? He always tried to shove straws up his nose, stole his food and made him constantly wander on the edge between 'Keep your allies alive' and 'Murder each and every living being because they piss you off'. Fourth: Why the bleeding hell decides the rubber idiot to visit only the dangerous islands? Can't they just visit a peaceful place for once? Law was sure that he didn't suffer this many injuries and defeats before he met the Strawhat Pirates. But obviously, grisly wounds were a must-have souvenir to take with from each island.

Like the last one.

"Mugiwara-ya, I don't think I know what you favourite leisure time activity is, but I can tell you, being chased by uncivilised savages who are wearing only loincloths and who also wield spears and shoot arrows **IS NOT A FAVOURITE LEISURE TIME ACTIVITY OF MINE!**", Law roared at his fellow captain once the group managed to reach the Sunny. Incomprehensible shouts and guttural battle cries echoed after them as the ship pulled away, arrows still raining over deck.

"THAT WAS THE STUPIEST IDEA YOU EVER HAD, LUFFY!" Nami shouted, whacking her captain hard over the head so the rubber boy toppled over and hit the ground. Law already sat on the floor facing away from the red-haired navigator so Chopper could remove the arrows that were lodged into his back.

Thankfully, most of the arrows only hit his shoulders and were stopped by his shoulder blades, a few had lodged themselves next to his kidneys, but seeing how this could have ended pretty nasty, Law decided not to complain. (Besides, One Piece characters are seemingly more resistant towards bodily damage than any other living beings)

"Hey Law!" Nami began fuming, "Why the hell didn't you take care Luffy wouldn't do anything stupid?"

"I did", Law replied deadpan, "But it was your shipwright who decided to crash everything and piss the locals off."

Nami blinked and turned around. "FRANKY! WHAT DID YOU DO?!"

"I wanted to eat the morsels they were offering us, and before you know they are screaming and shouting and shooting arrows at us."

"Yeah", the Surgeon of Death grumbled, "They were freaked out by your secondary hands, Cyborg-ya."

"At least I didn't slice them apart when they started!" the Cyborg shot back, moving in front of Law to glare at him. The doctor glared back.

Franky blinked.

And blinked again.

He turned pale.

And started screaming.

Law blinked in confusion. "Huh? What is the matter, Cyborg-ya? Got a snake up your Speedo?"

When the cyber shipwright didn't answer, Law turned to Nami. "Nami-ya, what is his problem?"

"GAAAAAAH!" Nami blanched as well and started screaming just like Franky, Chopper followed her shortly after.

"Is there something wrong with my face?" the Surgeon asked the Rubber pirate.

Luffy shrugged. "I don't know. I don't think there is anything wrong with your face..." He blinked again and squinted, leaning closer to his fellow captain. It took him a long moment to realize what was going on. Before Law knew what happened, Luffy was also on his feet, screaming his head off. "AAAAAH! TRAFFY HAS BEEN SHOT IN THE FACE!"

"What?" Law whipped around, grabbing his Nodachi and unsheathing it, staring at his reflection.

The shaft of an arrow stuck from his right eye-socket. "How wonderful", he grumbled annoyed. "Eye injuries are the worst that could happen. It'll take forever to heal this wound..."

"WE HAVE TO PULL THE ARROW OUT!" Chopper yelled, "LUFFY! HELP TRAFFY!"

Luffy obeyed his doctor as he went over to the other man. "Traffy! We have to pull that stick out of your head!" Law's eye widened in realization.

"Waitwaitwait!" he screamed, trying to back away so Luffy wouldn't get a chance to grab the projectile. "Let me do that! I can do that!" Luffy grabbed the shaft with both hands.

"Mugiwara-ya! Let go of the arrow this instant!" Law ordered panicked, "I said I can do-"

_THHHHHHHHHHHUUUCK_

"GYARRRRRRRRRGH!"

Law recoiled in pain, slamming his hands into his face and curling up, swearing obscenities under his breath. Luffy stood grinning with the arrow in his hand. "See Traffy? That wasn't so bad."

"It was, you idiot!" Law snapped back, pressing a piece of cloth into his face, "If you care about people's wellbeing, never do shit like that again!"

Luffy frowned at his fellow captain. "But the arrow is gone, isn't it?" He looked in confusion at the projectile.

The arrow stared back.

Luffy blinked.

The arrow stared.

Luffy tilted his head, looking at the grey eye that stuck on the weapon, optic nerve flailing weakly.

"GHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! I'M SORRY, TRAFFY!"

* * *

The Surgeon of Death glared at the man in front of him, his single steel-like eye borrowing into the other's skull.

"I will not tell you anything, you filthy pirate!" the man yelled, despite being bound to the chair of his office. Law scrunched his brows.

Seconds later he suddenly started grinning like a maniac. "I think I like your eyes", he finally admitted. "Such a deep golden colour, I think they suit you."

The man blinked at the Captain in front of him. "Are you hitting on me?" he asked confused.

"Just stating the facts", Law smirked evilly, "I was just thinking... don't you think your eye would look good on me?"


	2. Good Morning, Sunshine!

Good Morning, Sunshine!

"Hey, where's Traffy?"

The occupants of the galley momentarily stopped eating and looked up in surprise.  
Mainly because their black hole of a captain actually interrupted his own meat-loaded breakfast and looked around. His gaze eventually settled on the empty place next to his own, his brows scrunching together. "Where is Traffy? He'll miss breakfast." He frowned even deeper, making his own crew look at each other in confusion. "Traffy already missed yesterday's lunch, dinner, evening dish and the snacks in between."

"You... you actually counted the times Law was absent from table?" Usopp asked confused. Luffy nodded vehemently.

"Speaking of which..." Nami said as she leaned back in her chair, fork still clutched in her hand in case her idiot captain would try to steal her meal, "He did come to the library after breakfast yesterday. I wonder if he's still around there."

"I remember!" Chopper exclaimed, "Law asked me whether he might throw a look into my notes and books to take notes on his own."

Robin chuckled. "Doctor-san was quite lost in his studies. It wouldn't seem strange to me when he forgot the time over this." She chuckled again. "It would be best if we didn't disturb him. He might cut off our limbs otherwise."

"DON'T SAY SUCH SCARY THINGS, ROBIN!"

-o-

The sun was starting to sink towards the horizon. It was late afternoon, almost time for dinner when Luffy could not longer wait. "Boooring!" he wailed, "I'll go and see whether Traffy wants to play with me!"

Nami closed her book and sighed out. "I'm coming with you", she said, "I was going to return this book anyways."

Luffy nodded happily and together they went towards the stern of the Sunny where the round library structure was located.

Nami opened the door, blinking momentarily at the darkness inside. She could hear papers rustling in the little breeze that came in through the open door.

"Traffy? Traffy? Are you here?" Luffy called out; completely unfazed by the question why the hell the curtains have been closed. It took a moment but he could hear a deep breathe and a sigh.

"Mugiwara-ya?" Definitely Law's voice, but it was low and scratchy, just as if he'd just waken up.

"Ah, Traffy! You are here after all!" Luffy exclaimed cheerfully.

Law's reply was a grunt which sounded suspiciously like a groan. "What time is it?" he eventually asked from the darkness.

"Just past five", Nami said as she stepped into the library, adjusting her eyes to the dark.

"Then I've been what? Seven hours in here?"

"More like thirty-one", Nami explained as she started to make out some white forms across the floor.

"...Again?" The doctor sighed from his hiding place, "This irregularities are going to mess up my inner clock."

"Is that all you care about?" the orange-haired navigator quipped, "Why not care about the library you trashed?" Papers were littered about. Many books lay on the floor and there were several used quills as well.

"Sorry about this mess", the surgeon said after a while, his voice still drowsy and almost unfocussed, "I was just so interested in Tony-ya's notes on the different herbs and diseases you encountered so far."

Nami was about to tell the Heart Captain to swing his ass in gear and tidy up when Luffy face-planted into the floor besides her.

"Traffy!" he whined, "Why is it so dark in here?"

"I work better when it is dark, Mugiwara-ya. Less distractions."

Luffy frowned. "But now you will get some food first. You have missed eight meals!" The Strawhat Captain stumbled over to the curtains and ripped them open. The golden light from the sinking sun flooded into the room, hitting the other captain square in his face. Law made a pitiful whining noise before literally rolling off the armchair he was seated in and hid in the shadows behind it.

Nami had to stifle a snicker as she saw the 'fearsome' Surgeon of Death scrambling away from the light like some sort of cockroach.

"What are you doing behind the armchair?" Luffy asked confused, "Don't you want to eat something?"

Law answered with a low grunt before he reached his hand up to the armrest and clawed his nails into the furniture. It took him a serious amount of willpower to pull himself up into a halfway upright position. He glared at the two with blood-shot eyes.

Now Nami couldn't stop the snickers anymore as she doubled over, clutching her stomach from laughing. Luffy was already on the floor, rolling around and laughing as well. If anything, their ally could have been described as the perfect example of someone suffering a hangover/not being a morning person. The shadows around his eyes were even deeper than before, his gaze fierce, but unfocussed, his scowl merely a childish attempt in looking angry, his hair was ruffled, his hat missing and his clothes wrinkled.

"Okay, Traffy-kun", Nami laughed as the captain hoisted himself up, hands still clawed into the armchair and the book case behind it for support. "You should go over to the galley and ask Sanji for something greasy. You could need it."

Law only growled as he grabbed his Nodachi and his hat, but he didn't bother putting it on his head or reprimand Nami for ordering him around. He shuffled out of the library with hanging shoulders and half-lidded eyes. Luffy had finally stopped laughing and looked at Nami. The navigator shrugged. "I think you shouldn't play with him now. He would be no fun", she said, "Even Momonosuke could wrestle him to the ground about now."

Luffy looked back. "Ah. Let's go too. Dinner will be soon and I'm hungry!"

-o-

When Law arrived in the galley, Nami and Luffy were already there. This was mainly because Luffy had decided to pull his navigator with him and Law also made a short stop in the nearest bathroom to splash some water on his face to become more alert.

"Good afternoon", Sanji greeted him stiffly, "Anything you want to have? Bacon? Eggs? Headache Medicine?"

"Coffee. Black", Law ground out as he plopped into a chair.

Sanji raised his swirly eyebrow at the man. "You probably should get something else. A good dinner for example. Hell knows you could use it."

The Surgeon fixed his glare on the cook. "Coffee. Black", he growled again. "I am not in the mood to eat right now since I know Mugiwara-ya is going to steal my food after all." His gaze darkened. "So unless I manage to lower the amount of blood in my caffeine system, I will not eat anything."

Sanji sighed out. "Has anybody ever told you that you have a problem regarding coffee?"

"Listen, cook. Unless you want me to go on a murderous rampage across this ship _and _the next island, you better supply me with my coffee." His eye twitched slightly, as did the hand on his Nodachi.

Sanji complied immediately, but he made a mental note to ask Chopper to do a cold detox on his fellow doctor.

* * *

Penguin studied the mug that sat in front of him. He had just prepared a coffee for his captain, a task the cook was normally doing, but today the mechanic decided to do this.

Mainly because the cook was in the sick bay because he got several bullets up his ass and Penguin was the only other one on board who was able to cook edible food.

"Oi Penguin!" Shachi called out, "Is that the coffee for the Captain?"

"It is" the other said darkly, "But I'm afraid I made something wrong. I can't put my finger on it, but this doesn't even look like coffee."

Shachi threw a look over his shoulder. "There is no time for doubting, Pen", he said, "Captain is in an especially bad mood, he keeps muttering stuff about a 'Shitty Cook trying to break him from Coffee'."

"Okay, then there is no more time then", Penguin sighed in defeat. "I hope the Captain is going to make my death a quick one if he doesn't find the coffee to his taste."

Shachi patted his shoulder and walked alongside his friend. He also knocked on the door to Law's office. "Your coffee, Captain!" he called out.

"Do come in"

The two entered the office. They were already used to this level of mess only their captain could cause. Without any problems, Penguin found a place to put the mug down.

Law nodded his thanks and grabbed the spoon, dipping it into the black liquid.

Suddenly his movement froze when he heard an enraged growl. He pulled back the spoon, or what was left of it. He looked at Penguin and Shachi, then back to his coffee. The content of his mug suddenly crawled out of the porcelain prison and splatted on the table. Then it made its way across the surface.

"Interesting..." Law deadpanned as he carefully poked the black creature. The coffee hissed and snapped at his finger, so the Surgeon made short process and stabbed it with his scalpel. The coffee squealed in pain and tried to writhe off the instrument, but without luck.

Law regarded it a look before taking a bite out of it, much to Penguin and Shachi's horror. The coffee snarled enraged and Law was silent.

"Penguin..." he eventually began.

"I'm so sorry Captain!" the mechanic wailed, falling to his knees and covering his head with his arms, "I am a failure! Please don't kill me!"

Now it was Law's turn to be confused. "Who said anything about killing you?" he asked, "Actually, I was about to tell you that from now on you are tasked with preparing my coffee."

The two mechanics looked at each other while the Surgeon of Death happily took another bite from his coffee, humming while doing so.


	3. Trust me, I'm a Doctor

**Author: First of all, I want to thank all of you who reviewed my stories. I never knew they were so popular! Thank you very much.**

**Secondly: This is another One Shot I thought of. Seriously, things like those just crawl into my head and demand to be written down. This particular story came to my mind when I thought about the relationship between Law and Kid. It's a Love-Hate Relationship with the emphasis on 'Hate'. Also, I don't like doing a romantic Trafalgar Law or Eustass Kid. I think this is still rated T, because I would hate to raise the Mature Content.**

* * *

Trust me, I'm a doctor.

Eustass Kid was tired. Oh no, he would never admit that to anybody, but he was so tired. The slain bodies of some pirate crew lay around him. His ship was docked on the other side of that island and his crew was all over the place, looking for loot to get and foes to slaughter. He had ordered them to kill each and every enemy pirate they could find and to get anything worth taking to the ship.

Kid was shaking. He went after the bulk of the crew, as well as the captain. He had killed them all, but he should have been more careful while doing so. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. As deep as his shattered rib cage allowed him to. He could smell the blood around him. The blood of those weaklings and his own too. He couldn't feel his left side very much at all, so he figured he must have gotten injured badly.

Never mind, Heat would know how to fix him.

The red-haired Captain grunted in annoyance as he tried to locate his Baby Den-Den Mushi to contact his crew. He was far too tired to drag the whole loot back to his ship, so he decided it would be best to call for back-up. Kid snorted in amusement. He, Eustass Kid, had to call for back-up.

Meh, he took out most of the crew. He could afford this thing.

His eyes were still closed as he heard soft steps behind him. He only knew one who had this kind of walk, and that would be Killer.

He was about to gloat about his victory to his best friend when the newcomer decided to speak up. And the voice made the Captain freeze in an instant.

"My, my. What a glorious mess this is."

His red eyes snapped open immediately. He whirled around, despite his bodies' protests and stared at the man. Steel-like grey eyes met his. The red-head's face turned into a scowl while the other pulled his lips up in a lazy smirk.

"Trafalgar", Kid growled threateningly, "Where the hell do you come from? This island was deserted except for those weaklings!"

"I was around", the Surgeon explained calmly, "Was watching your men starting to ransack everything. They almost found my little hide-out, but nobody ever looks in the trees."

"Hiding like a fucking animal fits you, Trafalgar", Kid spat.

Law didn't react to this insult at all, he just kept on smirking. "I wouldn't say 'hiding', Eustass-ya. I would rather call it 'Watching the enemy from a safe position to figure out how to take them out'. But you guys kind of took the whole fun out of that."

Kid watched as the older man tapped his Nodachi against his shoulder. "But now I'm in some sort of dilemma, you know? I was burning to kill someone today, but now there is nobody left to kill. Except for you."

Kid's eyes narrowed as Law started to circle the larger man like a hungry predator. This scrawny little bitch actually thought about attacking him? _Him_? Eustass Kid?

"Don't make me laugh, Trafalgar", Kid snarled, "You can't kill me!"

"Really, Eustass-ya? The last time I checked I was in tip-top condition and you looked like minced meat. So please excuse me for not noticing the reverse of roles during those thirty seconds between my last survey and now."

Kid lunged at the slim man, intend on shredding him right here and now. They were deep enough in the New World to justify this killing anyways. Law kept his smirk in place as he calmly summoned his room. For a split second Kid was amazed by how fast the skinny bitch managed to create the blue dome, but he was too close for him to do anything right now.

Or so he thought.

In the very second his black claw-like nails got hold of the other man, Law disappeared. Kid's instincts told him that this was work of the other man's Devil Fruit ability, so the red-haired Pirate Captain whirled around, elbow poised to strike. He didn't expect the doctor to be able to casually block the blow. He didn't expect the doctor to bury a surprisingly strong fist into his guts either. Kid grunted and backed off a bit, too slow to realize that the Surgeon already spun on his heel, sending a bone-shattering kick to the larger man's cheek. The Captain swayed from the power of the impact, but was not losing his balance just yet. He only stumbled backwards when Law's leg hooked behind his knee and Kid was pulled off his feet. Bastard didn't even use his Ope abilities.

The injured man hit the floor hard, the wind knocked from his lungs. He blinked and tried to stand again, but his body didn't obey him any more. Instead, he only felt something warm rise up in his throat and he found himself coughing up some blood. Kid snarled when he saw the Doctor leering down on him. He raised his right arm, summoning the metal around him, but he was cut short when Law's steel-toed boot crashed into his arm. Seemingly without any effort at all the Surgeon of Death pinned the Captain's arm beneath his heel and kept it there.

"Now then, Eustass-ya, stop struggling", the tanned man drawled with his smirk still plastered to his face "You only make this harder on yourself." He casually sat down on his struggling victim. On his _fucking hips_! Kid hissed in displeasure, trying to get up and push that idiot off his body, but he couldn't. Law was heavier than he looked and he did prevent the larger Pirate from using his right arm. His left was completely shredded anyways, so there was no use pinning that. Instead, Law had his leg crossed and studied the other Captain with an unreadable face. Kid wanted to shout at him, but he only gargled on some more blood.

"Not good, not good" he heard the Surgeon mutter, "There are bubbles in your blood."

"What?" Kid managed to croak. He flinched as he felt long cold fingers pressing firmly into his flesh.

"Well, what do we have here? A punctured lung perhaps?" Kid blinked. Did that psycho just check his injuries? "My. One, two, three... five ribs broken, a few more most likely cracked", the Surgeon continued, his hand slowly moving across the other man's stomach. "Mhm. If I should hazard a guess, I'd say you have some more internal injuries, Eustass-ya" The Dark Doctor suddenly smiled at the red-head, "But I guess I should get you open to see for myself."

Kid's eyes widened in Horror. Did that psycho just tell him he would cut him open just like that?! He gritted his teeth to snarl at him and curled his hand into a fist and summoning all the strength he had left to try to free himself. But his body froze once more when he saw the Doctor unsheathe his Nodachi and positioning it over his chest. Before Kid could do anything, the Surgeon of Death swiftly slashed through flesh and bone, easily removing the sternum, part of his ribs and any muscles. Kid felt he was going to be sick when he realized that the other just opened his chest as if he was one of those freaky anatomy dolls!

His breath started hitching and he wondered for a brief second why it didn't hurt at all.

"Calm down, Eustass-ya", Law told him completely unfazed by his own actions just now, "My Room is still active, so you shouldn't feel a thing. Your chest is still complete, except for being a bit cut up maybe." He began frowning as he moved his hand inside the other pirate's chest.

"Well, I was hoping your lung had only been punctured, but it seems your left wing has collapsed entirely. Your spleen and liver have been ruptured as well, and your muscles have been torn."

Kid stared as the older pirate leaned back, frowning deeply at the opened chest cavity. Suddenly his face lit up in a way that made Kid feel really sick now. He leaned back forwards, face only a few inches from Kid's. "How about we do a little experiment then?" he asked casually, "It would be interesting to see whether this little idea works the way I hope it will."

"What are you planning, Bastard?" Kid snarled enraged. Law sat upright again and let his gaze move across the battle field while completely ignoring the man under him.

"Well, look at that. You forgot killing one" the Surgeon suddenly called out. Without so much as a flick of his wrist, he pulled the Pirate Captain that Kid beat earlier over to their position. The man chocked weakly, his eyes widening in panic as he recognized the tanned pirate that was just cradling his body like some sort of fucked-up gesture of comfort.

"You will suffice, I think", Law whispered to the man as he gently placed both his hands on both sides of his face. With a sudden powerful jerk, he snapped the man's neck in one fluid motion, making Kid flinch in shock. He knew Trafalgar Law was not someone one should trifle with, but he never knew just how dangerous that son of a bitch truly was. He only watched in horror as the Surgeon of Death grabbed a scalpel and slammed it into the dead man's body, cutting him open with a sicken care. Law didn't bother to notice Kid's shocked face as he began gutting the other Captain as if he was some sort of fish.

"Ah. There we go."

Kid really didn't wanted to be awake to see what happened next. Law ripped off the bodies' shirt before he easily cut out two large organs- liver and spleen he assumed- and a part of the man's lung. He placed them with care on the shirt, watching the blood soak through the fabric.

Then he turned his attention back towards Kid. "Now this will hurt a bit, Eustass-ya", he explained way too chipper, "But I need to bring your ribs back into the right position so they won't impale your organs any more." He grabbed the white bones without waiting for the other's reaction and twisted them, earning a pained grunt from the red-head.

Quickly approaching steps made the doctor pause in his actions and he tilted his head slightly to see three of Kid's crew members arrive on the scene.

"Damn", Heat whispered, "I knew this dome was familiar."

Killer narrowed his eye as he saw Law sitting casually on their captain, but his eyes widened in shock when he saw that Kid had been cut open.

"Trafalgar!" the Massacre Soldier roared as he charged. Within the blink of an eye, Law had his Nodachi right above Kid's throat and Killer stopped in his tracks. "One movement from you, Killer-ya", Law threatened, "And I will ram this blade through Eustass-ya's neck. I will sever his trachea, his spine and the right carotid artery, killing him instantly."

Heat put his hand on Killer's shoulder, pulling him back a few steps. Killer kept his eyes on the man as he turned back to the Captain on the floor.

"What are you doing?" the masked man asked with venom in his voice.

"Saving Eustass-ya", Law replied bored as he picked up the spleen and flicked his wrist. In an instant, a damaged spleen sat in his hand which he simply threw over his shoulder and away. The three Kid Pirates stared at each other as they watched Law repeat the process with a liver.

Kid watched in shock as he saw his rival simply switching out his damaged organs for the undamaged ones he cut out from the other Pirate Captain. When the Surgeon repeated the process with the lung, Kid managed to gasp at the feeling of air flooding back into his body. He coughed up some more blood, but that wasn't very much anymore.

"Why would you do that?" he asked with a dry voice, "Why would you safe me?"

"It's a wonderful way to learn about my Devil Fruit abilities and letting you die would make this race dreadfully boring, you know?" Law leaned back towards the other Captain. "Besides, because I just saved your live, you owe me a payback."

Kid froze up once more, remembering just what position the Surgeon had on top of him. As if he was able to read minds, Law suddenly leaned even closer, teeth flashing in a surprisingly enraged snarl. "I know what you are thinking, Eustass-ya. And no. I do not intend to do anything to you. If I wanted to sate my carnal desires, I would be getting myself a whore. Much easier to handle."

His eyes began to darken now. "No. I want you to know that you have a debt to settle with me. And until I come to claim that debt, you have to do only one thing: Staying alive."

He picked himself up, stepping over Kid's and the other Pirate Captain's bodies. "Don't forget Eustass-ya, I do have some respect for you and your choices. Don't betray that respect or I will end you, understood?"

Kid grunted as he hoisted himself up with the help of Killer. Law stood a bit off, watching them. "Your left arm is unsalvageable, though. You should have it removed before it begins decaying right off your bone." The Surgeon grabbed his Nodachi and moved his hand flat across it, 'scanning' the Room and grabbing every Beli and piece of Gold from the bodies that lay around.

"You're a fucking lunatic, you know that?" Kid growled at him.

Law only smiled. "Why, thank you for noticing." With a flick of his wrist, he and the treasures simply vanished, leaving the Kid Pirates to take care of their Captain.


	4. White Eyes

**Author: Another Take on my sister's Fanfic 'White Eyes'.**

* * *

White Eyes

It was one of the more shady islands where the Heart Pirates stopped for supplies. Most of them would have preferred to go to the island after that, which was a Spa-Island, but since they left Amazon Lily, their stuff was running low. Especially the medical equipment and the food were almost completely gone. So far, they had only some cans with baked beans and several stacks of dried bread left.

And nobody wanted to be near their beloved Captain once he would figure out that the coffee ground was near empty as well.

It was for the best for their health that they docked in that run-down pirate city. Before they left, Law instructed them what to buy, how much of it, to stay out of trouble, except if they were attacked or their crew insulted and who was supposed to stay behind and guard the submarine. After that, he hurried to jump off the ship and search for the nearest coffee shop or diner to rise his sinking caffeine level to a tolerable level. Bepo followed his Captain without question while the rest of the crew went off to do their respective jobs.

It was near dusk when the crew had gotten everything they needed. Law, Bepo and Greg, one of the medical assistants, were responsible for the medical equipment. When the two crew members stalked off towards the Submarine, Law suddenly stopped dead in his tracks.

"Captain?" Bepo asked, "Is there a problem?"

The Doctor only smirked lightly. "Please go on. I'll be with you shortly."

The two looked at each other before walking off, while their captain moved away from the street through an alley. He was honestly surprised Bepo hadn't noticed it, since the polar bear has a much keener sense of smell, but he figured it was the stench of the city that overwhelmed his navigator's senses. But he had recognized the smell very easily, as it was one of those scents that always accompany him: Blood.

He made his way through the alley, moving quickly out of the city and into the nearby forest. The wind was currently blowing into his direction, so it was no problem following the metallic aroma. He enjoyed this odour throughout when he came closer, ignoring the other scents around him.

Until he found the source.

He stared for a moment at the scene, then his lips curled up into a wicked smile. "Well hello there", he purred, "Who do we have there?"

-o-

Bepo and Greg had already reached the Submarine and a few of the other crew members had brought the goods into their respective storage rooms when the polar bear navigator whipped his head around.

"Captain is returning", he announced happily. Suddenly he frowned deeply. "But I can smell blood on him. Not captain's blood though."

"Then he found some idiots who thought they could fight him", Penguin shrugged, "I mean seriously, you know how he is."

Jean Bart frowned slightly as he saw his missing captain come down the dock, walking casually despite carrying a blood-soaked bundle in his arms.

"Set sail, I would like to leave this place as soon as possible", the surgeon smiled as he easily leapt up on deck, blood splattering down around him. It took the pirates a moment to realize that he was, in fact, carrying a bleeding body.

It was the body of a young man with long brown hair, barely out of his teens.

"Holy shit!" Penguin wailed, "Is he dead?"

"Oh dear, I do hope not", Law explained while making his way into the belly of the sub, "Or else this might complicate things." He didn't bother stopping his movements as he called for Greg and Mark to prepare the operation theatre.

-OoOoO-

There was a monotonous sound in the background. He didn't know what it was, but it was starting to get on his nerves. He tried to open his eyes to see what it was when he suddenly realized he wouldn't be able to. He was dead. His seal should have destroyed the secret hidden in his eyes.

He tried to laugh a little at that, but he couldn't. Something was thrust down his throat, preventing him from uttering even a single word.

He didn't mind though. He was dead, wasn't he? He shouldn't bother about such trivial matters.

The noise in the background was still there and he finally could realize what it was. It was a steady beeping sound and it still annoyed him. He laid there, ears pricked for anything unusual when he heard a little cracking sound, like metal sounded when it was under pressure.

Again, he was dead, it shouldn't bother him, he decided as he took a deep breathe, only to find the thing in his throat oppressing him.

It bothered him.

So much, he finally realized that there was something amiss.

He was _thinking_ and _breathing_.

So he couldn't be _dead_, now could he?

This thought made his eyes fly open. Frantically he tried to gasp in air, but the thing in his throat prevented him from doing so. He coughed dryly as he forced himself to calm down. He shouldn't be panicking, since he was trained to stay calm in any situation. He froze when he saw the machine standing next to him. He saw the many cables and rubber tubes running from his arm. He saw the other machine that was constantly beeping.

And then it hit him. He _saw_! His eyes should be blinded. Where was he?!

His breath hitched as he heard a hollow crack somewhere in the room. His head shot around to see who was there. There was another bed standing near his place with a white blanket draped over a still body. The room was otherwise empty, it seemed.

No.

Somebody was there.

"Finally awake, I see?"

This voice made the young man's skin crawl. He did not like this low tone. And he did not like the feeling of being watched.

And then he saw _him_.

A man sat on the far opposite wall on a chair. His hands were crossed in front of his face with the elbows resting on his thighs. A tall Nodachi leant next to him as the man continued to watch him. The teen on the bed could not see the other man's eyes, but he knew he was watching him. He could feel the other's icy stare moving across his body.

Without any warning, the other man got up and moved over to the man on the bed, startling the latter one because he was moving so silently, he might as well be a ghost.

"You took your sweet time waking up, did you?" the man asked. The one on the bed stared at him, watching him closely. The other was tall, taller than most people he had ever seen. He was older than him, maybe in his twenties. He wore blue jeans with a spotted pattern and a white fur hat with similar spots. His torso was covered with a black-and-yellow hooded sweatshirt with a giant smiling face on it. The sleeves of his shirt were rolled up though so his tattooed forearms were visible. He had a small goatee on his chin and golden loops in his ears. But what made the man on the bed freeze in horror where is ice-like eyes. There were no emotions visible, except for a sadistic glitter. The injured young man tried to back away from the other man, but his tattooed hands pushed him down effortlessly.

"Shhh. Don't try to move just now", he whispered, "You don't want to die yet again, do you?"

Again? So he was dead. Was this hell?

The other man must have been able to read minds because he starts to chuckle on a low voice. The injured teen instantly dislikes this sound. "Don't worry", he told him, "You are not dead, at least not anymore. You died a few times on me when I patched you back together, but I think you are stable now."

The teen stared at the man, blinking in confusion. The older one merely arched his eyebrows, even though his eyes remained cold and unmoving. "I didn't expect you to live, though. I merely wished to see whether I would be able to save a life as broken as yours. If not I'd have at least an interesting object to dissect."

The teen stared at him with wide eyes as he leaned down and grabbed the blankets. "Though, I must say, my abilities have developed impressively." He yanked the layer off, making the teen gasp in horror.

"Your left lung has been impaled by something rather large- I would guess a wooden pole- it would have caused both your lung wings to collapse, if they hadn't been filled with your blood already. Your small intestine and your left kidney have been run through as well, destroying great parts of their structure. You are lucky your spinal cord remained intact. There have been a lot of superficial grazing and shallow cuts as well, but they will be healing nicely", he explained as he traced his long fingers across the teen's skin. The younger one barely registered this though as his shocked gaze was glued to the word 'DEATH' adorned on the other man's fingers and the skin beneath them.

His skin was pale.

_This _skin was well tanned.

The muscles that rippled beneath it weren't his lean muscles either. He couldn't remember having had such abs.

"_What is this?!"_

The older man eyed the younger interested for a moment before he removed the air hose that has been forced into the teen's throat while answering that question. (He was sure that guy _was _able to read minds by now!) "You see, it would have taken an almost obscene amount of time for your body to regenerate naturally", the tattooed man explained, "And even after that, you would have been most likely disabled forever."

The man swiped off the white blanket of the other bed, allowing the teen to stare in horror at the corpse there. It was a lean man with a thin moustache and tanned skin. His head was twisted in a very wrong angle though and his stomach and chest cavity have been cut open. There was almost no flesh left on his limbs and body.

"I found most of your muscles torn as well and you see- we are low on pain killers right now so I took the liberty to give you new tissues. Besides, I found your optical nerves severed and your retina torn off the choroids. I fixed both."

"What?" The teen almost jerked back, but the older man effortlessly pinned him down. "I found somebody with a similar bodily structure like you, so you should thank Mister Vice-Admiral Montgomery over there for allowing me to replace your damaged organs and tissues with his." The man suddenly chuckled again. "I might assume he wasn't really keen on giving you his organs. I had to be a little... convincing, you know?"

"You killed and gutted this man", the teen understood, "To save my life?"

"You are taking it rather well, I might say."

"Why did you do it? Save me, I mean?"

"As I said before, I merely wished to test my abilities. To rekindle the spark of life by transplanting organs and entire tissues would come in handy, without doubt." His eyes took a slightly interested gaze, "But when I was at fixing you up, I discovered the many healed scars, most from very serious injuries. Since they have been mended the correct way, I had to assume that you know your way around battle very well, and you had medical attention."

"I was trained as assassin", the teen explained, "I fought ever since I was able to. I was also one of the best."

"Splendid"

The young man blinked in confusion as he saw the malicious grin on the other man's face. "They left you to die, so am I right to assume that you are free to take now? If that is the case, I would like to have you join my crew."

The teen's eyes narrowed. "You are a pirate, aren't you?"

"One of the worst there is", the pirate replied, "But it is fair to warn you. If you do not join my crew out of your own free will, I am able to make you. I would not prefer doing that, of course."

The young man let his gaze wander along his body. Across the patches of tanned skin attached to his pale body. He wasn't hurting and he was _breathing_. _Alive_.

This pirate rescued him, putting him into his debts.

And his honour did not allow him to leave while still owing somebody something.

"I will join your crew", he eventually said, "But you have to promise me by your honour that you will let me go as soon I no longer owe you for rescuing my life."

"Very well"

The pirate held out his hand towards the boy. "Trafalgar Law. From now on, I will be your captain."

"Neji Hyuuga", the boy replied and took the offered hand.

"Welcome to the Heart Pirates, Neji-ya."


	5. Family Time aboar a Yellow Submarine

**Author: Another funny Oneshot I thought of. It is based on my current One Piece/Avengers Fanfic 'Avenging Pirates' in which it is revealed that Loki is Law's father.  
If you read the myths closely, you will know what this story is about. Let's just say Law is bound to have a whole lot of siblings and half-siblings running about.  
**

**Most of them strictly 'Weird' material.**

**P.S. If you are from Iceland, I appologize for grammar mistakes.**

* * *

Family Time aboard a Yellow Submarine

Law rarely slept well. His sleeping pattern was irregular, to say the least. Irregular as in not sleeping for thirty hours at all, then tossing and turning because of insomnia and managing to get at least one or two hours of sweet unconsciousness.

And when he actually slept well, he was a heavy sleeper. He could ignore every ruckus around him, but he did not take wake-up calls very well.

Nobody dared to wake him after that... incident with the new crewmember anyways.

But his crew didn't seem to care about that when they decided to be annoyingly loud this day.

Law felt his eyebrow tick as he tried to roll over and continue sleeping.

Useless. The high-pitched voice of Bepo bored a hole right through his skull. Damn, and he was having such a nice dream about grilled flamingo legs for dinner.

Sleeping _and _dreaming was a very rare happening for the Heart Captain and being woken from a sleep with dream meant only one thing: Bloody murder, preferably on the guy who was loud in the first place, but running amok across an island or Marine base would suffice too.

With a low growl he hoisted himself up from his bed and made his way out of the door, not bothering putting on a shirt first when he walked out dressed only in pyjama pants.

"Is that a tail?" Penguin's voice carried over to him.

"Shhh! You're scaring her!" Shachi yelled.

"Can anybody read this note?" somebody else asked.

Law felt his eyebrow twitch again as he slammed the hatch to the deck open and more or less roared "WHAT IS GOING ON HERE?!" He squashed the tiny little voice in the back of his head that told him he was beginning to sound like Eustass Kid when he glared at his crew.

A few of his men actually fainted, while the rest had scrambled towards the opposite side of the deck when their captain arrived on the scene.

The men stared at the Supernova with wide shocked eyes, some were weeping silently. They knew from the looks of their captain that he had been sleeping, or at least trying to. And the captain loved his sleep just as much as he loved his coffee.

And depriving him of either... well, let's just say his bounty did not increase by 120 percent on its own.

"We are sorry, Captain!" Bepo shrieked when he saw the bloodshot eyes and the angry scowl, "But somebody left a baby on deck!"

Law stopped dead in his tracks, eyebrows pulled together in confusion.

"Did you just say... baby?"

The polar bear nodded. "A baby, Captain", he explained.

Law's scowl became even angrier. "And why the bleeding Hell is a _baby_ on my _submarine_?!"

The crew looked at each other, trying to determine who would tell their Captain. Eventually, Jean Bart spoke up. "Well, it looks like somebody just put it on the deck for us to find", he said, "There was a note attached to the blanket, too."

"Note?" Law stalked over to his crew who swiftly moved out of the way to allow the man a glance at the subject of irritation. There was a small basket with a small bundle in it held in Shachi's arms. "What does the note say?" the Surgeon asked as he fixed his death glare at the bundle. Shachi half expected the baby to start dying as soon it would meet those unforgiving eyes, but much to his relief (and Law's confusion), the baby started to giggle.

"Uhm... I don't really know", the large Pirate said, "It's... it's worse than your writing, Captain."

Law's head whipped around. "Worse than mine? Didn't you always say my handwriting looked like, I quote, 'As if a tap-dancing chicken with epilepsy scratched ink on the paper'?"

"Yup, but this here is worse." Jean Bart held the note to his captain who took it. His brows furrowed slightly as he scanned the words written on it.

The crew half expected him to make a witty remark and trash the note when Law surprised them by reading it out loud.

"_Minn elskaði sonur__!  
__Þetta er__litla systir__þín__. __Hún__fæddist__fyrir nokkrum vikum__síðan__, __en eins mikið__og það__særir mig að__segja__það, ég__get__því miður__ekki lengur__annast hana__. __Ég__hafði ekkert annað__val en__að treysta þér með__uppeldi__hennar__, __að sjá eins og__þú ert mest__ábyrgð__.  
__Nafn hennar__er__Ran__skaltu__taka vel á__hana__.  
__Faðir__þinn__, __Loki__.  
__P.S.__Ekki borða__hjörtu__sem þú finnur__á__brennifórnum__húfi__._"

The crew stared at their captain with their mouths hanging open. They exchanged side-glances and the baby giggled.

Law's frown turned into a defeated scowl. "Wonderful", he muttered.

"Uhm... Captain?" Penguin asked, "What did the note say?"

Law blinked, realizing he just read it in the language it was written in. He managed to quickly switch back to his old self as he stuffed the note into the pocket of his pants. "It said: _My beloved son!  
This is your little sister. She was born a few weeks ago, but as much it pains me to say that, I can sadly no longer take care of her. I had no other choice but to trust you with her upbringing, seeing as you are the most responsible.  
Her name is Ran, please take good care of her.  
Your father, Loki.  
P.S. Don't eat hearts you find at burnt stakes_."

"..."

The crew stared in shock before Shachi finally managed to utter a few noises which sounded like "This is your little sister, Captain?!"

Law sighed out in defeat as he swiftly grabbed the baby from the basket and held her up to examine her.

She didn't seem to mind so much as she giggled again and curled her little tail around the pirate's wrist.

You heard it, tail.

The little girl had a long, mule-like tail with a dark tuft on its end. Her ears were long and pointed with more tufts at their tips. She had a rather large nose for a baby and small tusks growing from her otherwise toothless mouth.

"A troll", Law deadpanned, "Dad, what in the world did you have to fuck to have a troll as daughter?" He paused, frowning even deeper. "If she was born by any other means, I don't want to know."

His crew looked at each other. "Captain? This is really your sister?"

"I recognize those eyes", Law muttered, "And the aura. It's definitely my little sister. Darn it, Dad."

"What has your father to do with this?"

"He's a troublemaker", the Heart Captain explained darkly, "And most of the time he doesn't even think about the consequences."

He sighed and put the baby back into the basket. "That's why I keep telling you to think before you act. Or else you will find yourself waking up with a horse in your bed and giving birth to a foal eleven months later."

"You're kidding"

"I don't", the Surgeon growled as he went to walk away, but the little hand curled around his index finger. He froze in his steps and risked to throw a glance at the small person.

Jean Bart and Penguin looked at each other, both ready to pry the helpless baby out of their psychotic captain's grasp should he try to experiment on her.

However, Law surprised them when he deftly swiped the basket away from Shachi and walked back to his room, grinning at the little child and saying "I'm gonna spoil you rotten"

The crew stared at the man in utter shock until Bepo spoke up. "Does that mean we're going to keep the baby?"

* * *

Kid grunted and pulled his arm over his face, intend on continuing to sleep. He never was a morning person and fighting a whole bunch of pirates the day before left him drained.

You could hardly call _noon_ 'late' for getting up under these circumstances. He smirked in his sleep when he thought of their shocked faces once they realized just who was there to take care of them.

In the back of his mind he heard something like soft steps, but he decided it was either his imagination or some of his crew members sneaking past his door.

The red haired Supernova huffed and tried to focus on sleeping.

Somebody giggled.

Fucking _giggled_.

Right _next to _him.

Kid's red eyes shot open, yet he didn't move a muscle so he wouldn't alert anybody that he was awake. He learned this particular trick some time ago. When people think he was out cold, they tended to be less alarmed around him- perfect for a sneak attack.

So he remained completely still as his eyes focussed on a little figure standing in front of his nightstand.

Just who in the seven bleeding hells was this kid?

Slowly he moved upright, carefully so he wouldn't make a sound as he slowly rose inch by inch to most of his full height.

Without any warning, he suddenly lunged forwards and grabbed the child by the scruff of its neck, spinning it in one fluid motion to face him.

The kid immediately stopped breathing and stared at him with wide eyes, his goggles securely clutched between its fingers.

Kid blinked slightly in confusion.

It was not only a child. It was a _girl. _A small girl of maybe three years. A girl with _tusks, horns and a friggin' tail_. She had rather long pointed ears and long nails. And she was only wearing an eye-bleeding yellow sweater. A very familiar Jolly Roger grinned up at him.

And Kid lost it.

-o-

"KILLER!"

The Massacre Soldier whipped around, startled by the volume of his captain's voice. It was enough to make the entire ship shake.

With a violent kick the Redhead ripped the door from its angles and marched on deck, holding a struggling bundle in his only hand. Since he just woke up, his hair was down and he didn't have his metal contraption of an arm attached to his shoulder.

"EXPLAIN THIS!" The Captain roared, thrusting the kid into the masked man's face. Killer blinked a few times, eyes darting from his Captain's angry face to the horrified girl, then back to his Captain.

"This seems to be a little girl", he said.

"I KNOW, YOU DIMWIT! WHY IS THIS BRAT HERE, THOUGH?!"

"Your guess is as good as mine", the Massacre Soldier explained calmly. "If she is a stowaway, she must have come on board last week." He frowned slightly. "No, this can not be, she has the Heart Pirate's Jolly Roger on the shirt."

"So she's Trafalgar's brat?" Kid growled, his anger slowly turning into sadistic glee. "Seeing the tail... I think it is possible", Killer muttered.

Kid barked a laugh as he levelled the girl up to lock his eyes with her. "Tell me, what did Trafalgar fuck to have a brat like you?"

"Traffy?" the girl's face suddenly lit up, "You know Traffy?"

Killer and his Captain exchanged looks as the girl continued: "He is big brother."

"...Really?" Killer arched his eyebrows. "How old are you?"

The child frowned for a moment, ticking off her little fingers. "Nine", she eventually said.

"Don't get smart with me!" Kid spat, "You aren't even four years!"

"Not years", the girl replied, "Little Years!"

"Months then?" Killer suggested, "You're _nine months_ old?"

The girl nodded. "Traffy said so!" she smiled at them, "Traffy said I is Troll! Traffy is good big brother!"

Kid threw Killer a glance and Killer decided that he certainly did not like the way the Redhead was grinning at him.

-oOo-

The Yellow Submarine was in a state of chaos.

"Ran! Ran! Where are you?" echoed throughout the ship. Each and every Crew Member was searching in a frantic pace for the missing sibling of their Captain.

And despite having searched every single spot already twice, the girl was still missing.

"Captain!" Penguin reported, "We still haven't found her!"

He immediately ducked to avoid his captain's anger, but nothing came. Carefully he raised his head to risk a glance at the tanned pirate.

He had to stifle a laugh when he saw the fearsome Surgeon of Death lying in a corner with dark clouds over his head. "I'm a disgrace to my family", he wailed, "I can't even keep a little girl under supervision"

Penguin slowly backed out of the room and closed the door, making a mental note to tie the girl up. But first they had to find her.

He sighed and went on to check the Submarine a third time.


	6. Nice to meet you

**Yeah, so this is another idea I got. It was mainly because I wanted to write something about Zoan fruits. There are so many Paramecia and even Logia-OCs out there so I wanted to add a few awesome animals.  
**

**Aria is from the Fanfic 'Devil's Luck' which I really liked reading. It's a nice story to find some names for Kid Pirates.**

* * *

Nice to meet you, we'll be your new crew members!

Kid sighed defeated. Sure, he liked hanging around in shady bars in shady corners of shady towns, but ever since his face has been in the Newspapers a few times more often than normally, he had to look over his shoulder all the time.

If it weren't Marines crawling up his ass, it were Bounty hunters. Or, quite frequently, some weak ass wannabe pirates that wanted to become Kid Pirates.

The redhead snorted in disgust at the thought of latter category. Most of those weaklings weren't even able to speak face-to-face with him, much less manage to hold on their own during a small sparring match with Killer.

There were a few interesting people, though, but sadly, the Kid pirates had no use for only 'Interesting' people.

They needed powerful crew members if they wanted to face a Yonko like Big Mom.

"Excuse me"

Speak of the Devil...

"What?" Kid snarled and slowly turned to glare at the intruder. This mostly scared off most idiots, but this particular idiot was quite resistant towards the redhead's 'Fuck off or I will eat your face' expression.

Kid's red eyes narrowed dangerously as he took in the details of the man standing behind him. He was tall, with slicked-back dark hair and a small moustache. He was wearing a black suit with the sleeves removed, black pants and black dress shoes. He looked like a fucking butler.

"You are Eustass 'Captain' Kid, correct?" the man asked. Fuck! Even his voice sounded stuck up in the ass!

"And if I am?" Kid snarled.

"Then I would ask you whether you would have some room left for a few crew members."

The redhead's lips curled up. "Killer, did you hear that?" he asked his first Mate. The masked man slowly turned to look at the dressed man. "Who are you?" he eventually asked.

"Excuse me for being impolite, I am Richard Störtebeker of the Störtebeker Siblings."

"Störtebeker?" Heat piped up. The blue-haired Zombie-like man tilted his head slightly. "I did hear of you", he admitted, "You are well-known for attacking and raiding Marine ships along this islands around here, aren't you?"

"Correct", Richard explained, "Well, Anna and Klaus take care of the raid. I merely search them out and take out the guards."

"How so?" Kid grunted. He was interested a bit.

"I am a Navigator", the man explained, "And sharp-shooter."

"We certainly could use a Navigator", Killer mumbled, "Our last one got himself killed on the last island."

"Tch", Kid grumbled, "Fine, you might be an interesting addition to the crew, but what about those other guys you mentioned?"

"Anna and Klaus are my younger siblings", Richard explained. "Klaus is the youngest. He is an outstanding chef and also a formidable user of about any blunt weapon. Anna is a skilled hand-to-hand combatant and shipwright in one."

Kid thought for a moment. The thought of a woman on board did sound good to him and Brynhild and Aria both didn't really count as women. Brynhild had a moustache and muscles that would make a scrawny bitch like Trafalgar weep and Aria is like a rabid hyena.

"Let's see your siblings then", Kid finally decided, "Then we'll see whether you got the stuff to become Kid Pirates."

"I shall fetch them immediately." Richard went off.

Killer turned to Heat. "You said you've heard of those guys, didn't you? Do you know anything in particular?"

"It seems all three Störtebeker Siblings are fruit users", Heat explained, "So they ought to be powerful, correct?"

"Let's see about that", Kid grumbled as he watched Richard emerge from the crowd once more. A smaller man and a hot-looking chick were following him.

"Anna, Klaus, might I introduce you to Captain Kid?" the dressed man said.

The redhead merely scowled at them. Klaus was the shortest of the three. He was chubby, dressed in simple pants and a white sleeveless shirt with a piece of meat holding in one hand. His hair was short.

Anna on the other hand, looked much better. She was wearing a short leather jacket, leather pants and boots and wore a T-shirt with a fist and the slogan 'Tooth Fairy' imprinted on it. Her hair was styled up in a Mohawk.

"Kid Pirates, cool", Klaus said between taking a few bites from his meat.

"Yup. The captain looks much more impressive in real life", Anna added.

Kid scowled harder. "I hope for your sake you don't intend to get a place on my ship through flattery. You have to have to be better than the scum of the New World to become a Kid pirate."

"I can assure you, we are better than that scum", Anna bit back.

She and Kid stared at each other for a few tense seconds until the redhead pulled his lips into a nightmarish grin. "Good. You got balls. That's rare for a chick. You could be the right material for my crew."

"What about your abilities?" Killer asked, "Heat told us you might have fruit powers."

"All three of us have Zoan abilities", Richard explained.

"Zoan? Eh, why not?" Kid shrugged. "What can you transform into?"

The butler-like man straightened his back and puffed up his chest, snapped his heels together and crossed his arms behind his back. "I have ingested the Tori Tori no Mi, Model Duck."

There was an awkward silence.

"Duck", Killer eventually deadpanned. "You can transform into a duck."

"Indeed", Richard explained with a certain level of pride, "I can change into a duck."

"A fucking duck", Kid ground out, "What's the idea behind that?"

"For starters, I am able to fly", the Zoan-user explained "Which is very useful seeing how I am a sniper. And secondly, I am among all Fruit users the only one capable of swimming."

Another pause.

"SWIMMING?!" several Kid pirates shouted in surprise, "How can a fruit user actually swim?!"

Richard twisted his moustache slightly. "Well, a duck merely penetrates the water's surface with its feet", he explained, "So it isn't much more than a footbath to me."

"Okay. Useful", Wire muttered from behind his glass of rum, "The flying thing too."

Kid's scowl became a tad less deeper. "What about you, chubby?" he asked.

"I have eaten the Mushi Mushi no Mi, Model Targidae."

"Targi-what?"

"Targidae" Klaus repeated, "Some sort of... small bug that crawls around in wet moss."

"A bug. Can you do anything fancy?"

Klaus smiled a bit. "I am almost indestructible once I change into my full form."

"That sounds a bit exaggerated. Explain", Killer demanded.

The obese man ticked his skills off his fingers. "I can not die from hunger of thirst for a couple of years. I do not need to breathe for a few days. I can survive being frozen or dried up completely. I can even survive diving through Lava for a short amount of time and when I make the right preparations, I can even sink to the ground of the sea with no problem. And since I am a bug, I am very resistant towards slashing, stabbing and blunt force trauma."

Kid threw his crew a small side glance, realizing that all of them had their jaws dropped (Killer most likely too) and stared at the small chubby guy while not being able to utter a single word.

"...Interesting", the Captain eventually ground out. "This might come in handy..." He eyed his metal arm. "Might have been handy back then too", he added silently.

He watched Klaus take another piece of meat and chomp down on it until he finally turned to Anna.

"And you? What animal can you transform into?"

"I ate the Ita Ita no Mi, Model Honey Badger", the woman explained flippantly. "I can change into a honey badger if I want to." She eyed the captain and continued: "Honey Badgers are carnivorous, so I am fierce when fighting. I got pretty tough skin too. As long there is no real force behind a swung sword, it will bounce right off me. I also got large claws, so I can dig through solid rock with no problems. I have sharp teeth and powerful jaws and I am immune towards poison."

She grinned evilly. "And I can take down a giant with one attack."

"How so?" Killer asked interested.

"Simple. I bite off their nuts"

The information took a moment to sink in. Once it did, each and every single Kid pirate cringed at that mental image. Even Kid and Killer edged away from the now broadly grinning woman.

Aria walked up to her though and slapped her hand on her shoulder. "I think I talk for all the guys here when I say: Welcome to the Kid Pirates."


	7. A day in the life of Sanji

**Author: For CharmyXcream14. I did one with Sanji! Even though it's not angst (I don't really like doing this kind of stories), I attempted to make you smile. It's a diary-sort of One Shot.  
**

**I got the idea from reading 'A Day in the Life of Penguin' from Alice in Realityland. This is also a way to praise Alice. Go on. Take a look at it. It's awesome!**

* * *

A day in the life of Sanji

May 5th

Grandline, New World

**6:05 A.M**  
Got up from the most wonderful dream in which my beloved Nami-swan and my beautiful Robin-chan swore their eternal love to me. Went to the bathroom.

**6:30 A.M  
**New Record! Only needed half an hour inside the bathroom! Went towards kitchen. Kicked shitty Marimo for falling asleep on his watch. Shitty marimo shouted he wasn't asleep. Yeah right. Kicked him again into the face.

**6:45 A.M  
**Shitty marimo finally got back to sleep. Went to Sick Bay to retrieve band-aid for bleeding wound at forehead. Found shitty not-crew doctor sleeping there. Retreated tactically once got band-aid.  
Note: Make sure to slip bread into shitty not-crew doctor's onigiri to piss him off.

**6:50 A.M  
**Discovered Luffy trapped in kitchen trap. Swiftly kicked him out and yelled at him to wait there until breakfast is finished. Hope wonderful Nami-swan and amazing Robin-chwan won't be woken from their sweet dreams because of Luffy's hollering.

**7:30 A.M  
**Finished cutting up meat for dinner. Put it in pot to cook later. Proceeded with putting it into lockable fridge.  
Note: Remember to thank Franky for lining fridge with Kairoseki.

**8:00 A.M  
**Finished breakfast. Got captain to wake other shit-heads. Went to tell the goddesses.  
Note: Have to be at their bath room at the same time tomorrow. Nami-swan was just putting on clothes.

**8:05 A.M**  
Luffy devoured his breakfast. Tried stealing my beloved Nami-swan's sandwiches. Swiftly proceeded to kick him into the face, earned the most wonderful smile from Nami-swan.  
The world stopped spinning for a moment and I swear I heard angels singing! What a beautiful day to be alive!

**8:34 A.M  
**Breakfast is over, washing up dishes. Asked Luffy and Usopp to catch fish for fish tank. Spotted shitty marimo nap at mast. Good, he won't get lost on the ship again. Put coffee in oven to reheat it.

**8:37 A.M  
**Called Franky because oven froze coffee while freezer fried frozen goods. Had to make small snacks from fried goods and iced coffee.

**8:45 A.M  
**Put snacks into fridge (fridge still working properly!) and went to serve iced coffee to Nakama.

**9:00 A.M  
**Climbed up crow's nest for some training, spotted Marine Battle Ship coming our way. Warned the others.

**9:15 A.M  
**Finished beating up shitty Navy soldiers. Raided enemy kitchen, while others raided ship. Left Marines with several dried goods so they won't starve. Found some damn good spices as well.

**9:45 A.M  
**Brought snacks out to deck for second breakfast. Wonderful day, Robin-chwan complimented iced coffee. My heart is set aflame with the fire of looooooooove!

**10:03 A.M  
**Approached island. Immediately aborted approach and continued to sail further away when realized that island smelled of manure.

**10:30 A.M  
**Approached another island. Didn't smell of manure. Upon landing, discovered island inhabited only by old people. Still went out to town.

**11:54 A.M  
**Finally finished with island full of old people. Shopping was a torture since every customer and vendor had to tell a fucking long story about something. Guess it was better than Chopper though. The old people pinched bruises into his cheeks.

**12:00 A.M  
**Went to prepare lunch. Overheard Usopp talking about island full of old people. Said old people meant Nami and shitty not-crew doctor are cute couple.  
I WILL NOT ALLOW THIS SHITHEAD TO TOUCH MY DEAR NAMI-SWAN! I WILL NOT ALLOW HER HONOUR TO BE DEFILED BY SCUM LIKE HIM!

**12:13 A.M  
**Calmed down enough to finish preparing lunch.

**12:30 A.M  
**Had lunch with crew. Placed shitty not-crew doctor next to Luffy. Luffy stole meat from everybody's plate. Again.  
Kicked him into the head to prevent him from stealing beautiful Nami-swan's food. Generous Robin-chwan left steak to shitty captain though, said she was already satisfied.  
I SHALL COMMIT IT TO MY MEMORY, MY BELOVED ROBIN-CHWAN!

**12:46 A.M  
**Finished washing dishes and went out to deck. Protected dear Nami-swan's tangerine trees from Luffy, Usopp and Chopper. Got thanked for that by dear Nami-swan!

**1:00 P.M  
**Caught Brook peeping on the two goddesses sunbathing. Went on to punch him for that, reminding him to find a better spot so we won't be seen.  
Note: Find better spot for peep- I mean guarding.

**1:40 P.M  
**Found out Robin-chwan was going to use bathroom. Went to guard the door when eye accidentally met keyhole. Looked through to make sure everything was okay.

**2:35 P.M  
**Finally able to see again after washing eyes with soap because seeing Franky's naked hairy ass instead of beautiful Robin-chwan. My beloved tricked me.

**3:00 P.M  
**Served tea with pastries. Made sure Luffy got burnt ones. Shitty not-crew doctor only drank tea. Must have become suspicious of pastries. Too bad, wanted to see his face upon discovering Umeboshi inside his.  
Note: Must try to appear less suspicious.

**3:25 P.M  
**Saw my beloved Nami-swan laugh with shitty not-crew-doctor. Swiftly kicked him into the head for it. Told him there was a wasp.  
Note: Shithead is becoming more and more suspicious.

**4:00 P.M  
**Went to make Sushi for dinner. Discovered fish was already in pieces. Attempted to cut it, found fish still alive and flailing.  
Heard laughter coming from the pantry, but culprit already left.

**4:14 P.M  
**Had to safe Luffy from drowning because shithead tried to catch fish with bare hands.

**4:55 P.M  
**Arrived at pretty summer island. Heart almost exploded from joy when discovering that beloved Nami-swan and dear Robin-chwan wanted me in their group!  
I SHALL PROTECT YOU AGAINST ALL MONSTERS OF THIS ISLAND!

**5:35 P.M  
**Discovered strange creatures on island. No threat to my beloved.

**5:40 P.M  
**Luffy and shitty marimo got lost. Had to split up to find them. Discovered shitty not-crew doctor dissecting small animals while grinning like a madman. Slowly backed away.  
Note: Keep beloved goddesses away from sociopath.  
Note: Find out where the difference between sociopath and psychopath is.

**6:36 P.M**  
Finally located missing shitheads with Chopper's help. Dragged them back on their ankles to Sunny. Telling them to stay the Hell there.  
Started preparing dinner.

**7:00 P.M**  
Ate dinner with crew.

**7:43 P.M  
**Tidied up kitchen because of battle over last piece of onigiri. Hope Nami-swan and Robin-chwan aren't too upset with kicking the shitheads through the door.  
Note: Tell Franky to install a revolving door in kitchen. It's a pain to repair it over and over again.

**8:00 P.M  
**Luffy, Usopp and Chopper started dancing to Brook's music. Everybody seemed to be in high spirits. Handed out snacks and drinks.

**9:00 P.M  
**Natural Firework occurred over Island. Beautiful view.

**10:00 P.M  
**Shitheads went to bed. Did first night watch.

**11:30 P.M**  
Franky went up to take over night watch. Went to bed.

**2:07 A.M  
**Woke up to living horse head in my bunk. Yelled at shitheads that I DO NOT SCREAM LIKE A GIRL! Kicked shitty marimo out to help me find culprit.  
Note: Find and hurt shitty not-crew doctor.

**3:00 A.M  
**Attempted murder failed because could not find idiot. Went back to bed.  
Note: Make every food bread-based tomorrow.


End file.
